JaS ❤ u

2010-11-27T22:43:00.005+08:00

is 10.43pm

and she just lost another friend.

he say tat he cant figure out when I

am serious and when I am not.

And I got to be clear when I am joking.

Today was like another blow to me..

The onli difference was that

it happen in different places and time.

If I didnt rmb wrongly, he is the third one

I have lost in this month.

Things haven't been smooth for me in this

month of November.

All i hope was that December can come soon.

Is time for me to wake up.

Like seriously >.<

But I reali donno how many blows I have to take

in order for me to change.. =(

I m a Fcuk-ed girl.

I never learn from all my lessons.

Bi, is all i left with right now.

But I haven't been a good girl recently.

We only get to meet 2 times within this 2 weeks

bcos of my busy schedules.

Bi, I am reali sorry.

I promise that there will be more time for u

Her confession

2010-11-24T00:18:00.002+08:00

I never wanted things to end this way.

All I want was just to protect myself.

But I kind of understand it now.

I wont be able to feel love when I shut the door up.

Cos is only when u are hurt,

then u realize that is love.

Baby, I m sorry.

Is me who is lack of courage.

Is me who is feeling weak.

Is me who is selfish.

Yes. my heart is never feeling enough.

Never am I.

I am such a bitch.

All along, I knew it was never easy,

never simple, never a clean break.

I hope u know that is never easy for me.

I never want you to be hurt.

2010-11-11T22:01:00.002+08:00

God saw you are getting tired,
When a cure was not to be.
So he wrapped his arms around you,
and whispered, "Come to me."

You didnt deserve what you went through,
So he gave you rest.
God's garden must be beautiful,
Cos he only takes the best.

ANd when i saw you sleeping,
So peaceful and free from pain
I could not wish you back anymore
to suffer that again.

I miss you.
I reali do.
It was just too sudden.
ANd we didnt even get to bid goodbye.

Rest in peace, Grandma.
I love you.

2010-11-11T21:35:00.002+08:00

U have no idea how much i wanna run to u.
U have no idea how much i wanted to have u.
You n just you.
entirely. completely, fully
who belongs to me only.

U got me crazy.
reali crazy..

I never fail to turn my head back
in the middle of the street
when i smell u.
and hoping that was u.

just for you

2010-11-11T21:25:00.003+08:00

Each time u took a step front,
I will took a step back.

U thought I don love u..
U thought I m giving u up..
BUt u never know that i did it
Cos I fear

I fear of having you.
and then losing you again.
Cos u are so precious to me,
so precious..
Precious than anything..
Precious than everything..

Dear, I love you.

2010-11-07T23:10:00.003+08:00

oh craps
i think i fail again
i spend so much time and all
doing things that u don even appreciate
and u don like it at all

i don blame u too.
wad u say are true.
those that i have made for u
are what we girls wan to receive
and not wad u guys wanna receive..

guess i don understand guys as much too
haha.
all of a sudden, i feel so stupid.
thinking that i m sweet at times,
praising myself that "yes, u have done well"
thought that u will lik all the things i have
made with love for u..
But ended up, that is not wad u wish to receive.

I'm used to

2010-11-07T13:46:00.003+08:00

I'm used to having someone to wake me up by morning call me
But now I m trying to get use to wake up by my own alarm..

I'm used to having someone in mind to sms n call when i miss..
But now I have no one to text or call..

I'm used to chat on phone every night for 1 to 2 hour before i fall asleep..
But now not even 10min..

I'm used to having someone by my side whenever I go..
But now I am all alone..

I'm used to go out for movie every week
But now, is been weeks since I last watch

I'm used to reach home after 10pm everyday
But now, I reach home before 10pm.

I'm used to having someone to fetch and send me home
But now, I am alone..

My feeling are used to be affected by ur actions
But now, i get to control more than 70% of it.
I used to cry myself to sleep..
But now I sleep peacefully every night..
I used to meet u everyday..
But now I used to not meeting u..
I used to think for u..
But now i think for myself more..

2010-11-05T00:19:00.002+08:00

能不能再靠近一点点
大声说出你所有感觉

i guess..

2010-11-03T17:21:00.003+08:00

lazy insensitive teaching others how to woo a girl when u are actually capable of doing but arent doing 6 months time

u had no idea.. how she feel.. when she hears...
sometimes i rather u don admit.
cos it makes me feel more useless.
how useless can i be?
unable to make guys love me.
unable to make guys dote me.
unable to make guys care for me.
unable to make guys wanna do sth for me.

I understand e way love works.
you do sth for him jus bcos u wan him to feel love and happy
and not asking for anything in return.

I m not asking for anything in return now
jus wanna know "why are u not doing when u are capable of doing"
m i that worthless?

Take away love...

2010-11-02T19:24:00.002+08:00

Man

u are driving me crazy

I was once yours, but u nv cherish

now that I am no longer yours,

you didnt do anything

to wan me back either.

SO TELL ME WHAT DO U WANNA

GET OR ACHIEVE

BY DOING THINGS THAT PISS ME OFF?

Please don spoil the last impression I have for u

if u have anything on mind

could u jus come up straight to me?

i m jus a phone call away...

There isnt any third party which i

think u been trying to dig out

We broke up cos i no longer feel love.

" There is one pain I often feel,

which you will never know

because it is caused by the absence of you"

2010-10-31T22:43:00.002+08:00

"Fine, Don't ever let me find out there's something going on"

u lose e rights, haven u realised?
stop jumping into conclusion.
stop pushing the blame to third party.
wake up and admit to ur mistakes.

set me free
cos u jus arent goin to appreciate me anymore
cos u jus cant protect me from hurt anymore
cos u jus cant giv me e love that i wan anymore
cos u jus cant giv all ur attention to me anymore
cos u jus cant put me in e first place anymore

doing this to me, arent goin to brg everything back again
is jus going to piss me off. is jus going to hurt me again.

why cant u jus appreciate me and cherish me more before losing?
u always thought that i would nv leave u, dont u?

2010-10-31T15:27:00.002+08:00

Someone asked me

Why I don look sad at all..
Why is he so angry and i cant be bothered..

ANd I will give u e ans now..

cos i had enuff of it..
cos i don wanna cry anymore..
cos he no longer worth tearing for..
cos my heart dies for him on 11 OCT..

U think he is gonna to
walk up to me
hug me
kiss me
and tell me " baby don be sad", " I am sorry"
when he know i cry?

he will onli say " stop crying everyday. i don understand why other couples
so sweet to each other and onli our r/s end up lik this"

Don say I m crazy cos i know him more than anyone else.

Birthday!

2010-10-31T13:05:00.004+08:00

Clock strike at 12am!

Date move to 4 OCT!

But where is my boyfriend?

Is he gonna be outside my house?

planning another surprise for me

lik how he used to plan last year?

Is he gonna rush home after sending me home

to get all the gifts that he have prepare for me

and bring it over to my hse before the

clock strike at 12am.

"Ding Dong"

and

"HELLO BABY, HAPPY BIRTHDAY"

NAH! none of this happen

instead rush off back to friend house for MJ!

*CLAPS*

Still rmb how u dress up that day when we say

we gonna celebrate on 3 OCT for my bday?

Man, I am not bringing u down

cos u brought urself down=)

U had me waited in my house..

in front of my com..

in front of my phone..

for more than 15min

till i posted in facebook askin

"If u still remember is my bday?"

I know I am turning 20.

I know is something not to be proud of

cos I am getting older.

BUT IS STILL MY BDAY!

AND

I AM BORN ON THIS DATE!

I am not that tough, BOY!

But still I let u off that night,

bcos u were so guilty over the phone that night

after visiting my facebook

and u make lots of promises lik

1) U gonna restrict urself from playing mj

2) U gonna write me 7 letters for me to read

before u go Shanghai

3) U gonna brg me out tml after sch

and fetch me from sch

and lots more.

cant reali rmb. cos nth worth to rmb as they are all

EMPTY PROMISES!

I dressed up to sch that day

and looking forward for u fetchin me from sch

and bring me out=)

School suppose to end at 3pm.

but ended up at 4pm.

guess it should giv u more time to prepare.

School finally end!

But

Where are u?

haven been hearing from u ever since morning.

LOL

I decided not to wait and I headed home

den u called me

and tell me u jus wake up=)

and ask me to meet u at cp cos we goin

for soup restaurant

den ltr when i reaching cp

u call me and ask me to go hg

cos they have soup restaurant too

and u need more time to prepare.

so i alight and take bus to hg

den when i reaching hg,

u call me and ask me to go ur hse first.

cos u still not ready.

and i went to ur hse.

Was it ur bday or my bday?

still rmb ur bday on 1 Aug?

u told me that u don wan to go out

u wan sth simple

u don want to celebrate.

but still, I plan a surprise for u

and i make u this.

I spend less than $20 on printing e photos,

buying macoroni and etc...

BUT took more than a month time planning

and making!

Is the thoughts that counts,

haven u realised?

and we got u a bday cake!

This is planned for a guy who say he doesnt

wan to celebrate his bday.

But nothing was plan for a girl who is sooooo looking

forward to her bday=)

In the end, u get me a cake and brg me for swensens

after i cry for so long.

But is not worthwhile.

WHy dont u cry till u could hardly open ur eyes

and have to lie to ur friends that u didnt cry

when they saw ur puffy eyes?

I am not a kid.

I don wanna cry to get sth, dear!

Give it to me cos i deserve it.

2010-10-31T12:43:00.004+08:00

I don't deserve to be treated this way either.

That night, i told u how sad i was when u went over to shanghai.

U reali don have to do that cos is not a place that u never go before

but a place u went almost every year.

Eventually, u choose to go bcos u wanna have fun wif ur friends..

But have u ever think for me? How am i goin to live withoout u?

I told u is pretty unfair to me cos I have always put u in e first palce

than all of my friends.

Why am i being known as a pilot?

That is bcos of ur last min plan that have spoil my friends long term plan!

Why do i appear to be friendless to u?

That is not bcos of my attitude prob, my dear!

But bcos i have no time to commit to them and

i m good at flying them planes cos of u.

I abandon everything and walk into ur life and now i deserve to get abandon

and to be blame for my attitude that cause me to be friendless?

After telling u this, i move on sharing wif u the fear in my heart

telling u that

I fear of u for hurting me again

I fear of u for leaving me again

Cos we are no longer how we used to be

I am no longer the first

& till now, I cant forgive u, I didnt forgive u and I cant forget the hurt!

and here goes ur beautiful reply:

1) If u loved me, whatever I do u also can accept de.

MAN, this is totally bullshit!

How heartless can u be over one night?

Haven u realise ur mistakes?

and there goes ur second reply:

1) If u said it the first time, I will be sad.

But u keep repeating the same thing over and over again!

NICE=) U successfully trample my pride and my heart!

She don't deserve it either

2010-10-31T11:54:00.004+08:00

I am not pushing the blame to u..

or trying to let e whole world know abt us..

BUT

I am jus too tired of repeating myself

over and over again to you..

So i decided to blog it out

All thanks to u, u pull me out of my sleep again..

just the same like how u did it to me while u are at Shanghai

Today, i realised

is not exactly my faulty body alarm

(which I always claim that it was)

but jus the worry for u

that have caused me to be awake at weird timing..

(but u aren't guilty abt it)

How the hell did we start goin into

cold war?

Dont u wanna explain to the others?

I pass my charger to you,

put it on ur leg

and ask u to help me charge my phone

where the plug is jus on ur left hand side

and u reply "okay"

5 mins later~

is still there after i remove my lens

5 mins later~

is still there after i remove my make up

Ended up, I charge my phone myself!

MAN,

"I had enuff of ur "later, later and later" attitude."

is jus a reali simple thing that

i request you to do

and this doesnt happen the first time

if u actually recall.

i donno wad else to say to u at that moment

so i went to bath

and when i am out

u told me that u are leaving

so yes. go lor.

and this is how we started the two days cold war!

pretty lame

isnt it?

But that is jus simply u.

*U spill the water on the floor*

*saw it*

*but choose to stand at the side*

*waiting for it to evaporate*